Communication with classmates at school. Class hour on the topic “Communication with classmates. Addressing your interlocutor. Who's at risk

What should parents do if the teacher scolded the child in front of his classmates and the child became withdrawn?
What is the best thing to do if a child has a conflict at school, teachers or students make fun of him?

An educational psychologist at the Municipal Budgetary Institution of the City Center for Psychological, Medical and Social Support “Indigo” in Ufa spoke about how to establish relationships with classmates. Ekaterina Kudryavtseva.

The following symptoms may indicate that your child is not doing well in class:

Child:

reluctantly goes to school and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;
returns from school depressed;
often cries for no obvious reason;
never mentions any of his classmates;
talks very little about his school life;
does not know who to call for lessons, or refuses to call anyone at all;
for no apparent reason (it seems) he refuses to go to school;
lonely: no one invites him to visit, to birthday parties, and he doesn’t want to invite anyone to his place.

How to help your child improve relationships with classmates

Teach your child to be independent.
- You should not personally come to school to deal with your child’s offenders; it is better to inform the class teacher and psychologist.
- Do not rush to rush to protect your child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to experience all stages of a conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own.
- But when teaching a child to be independent, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without adult intervention.
Understand the reasons, emphasizing the merits of the situation.
- Emotional, friendly support from a sensitive adult is needed. First, understand the reasons for the child’s unpopularity and try to eliminate them. Maybe it doesn't look too modern? Take care of his wardrobe and appearance. Too weak physically? Get him interested in some sport. Emphasize its advantages at every opportunity. Do not skimp on praise, admire your child and do not forget that the child looks at himself through the eyes of a close adult.
- It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer your child pink ones, thinking that this is not important. It may not be important for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This doesn’t mean that you have to follow your child’s lead and buy him a hat. "like Lenka from 5 "B"".
Take an interest in the child’s affairs and life.
- It is worth showing interest in your child’s affairs, but doing it unobtrusively.
- If he doesn't say anything himself, watch him. Having noticed deviations in behavior, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationships with classmates, see how the child behaves in class after school or during recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom does he communicate, who communicates with him, etc.
- You can turn to a school psychologist for help; it is easier for him to monitor children.
Involve the teacher in the problem.
- Remember: a child's position in the classroom until adolescence depends 90% on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - 100%. Therefore, if a child does not have good relationships with classmates, only the teacher will help solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he is doing something (no matter what, even wiping it off the board) better than anyone else, that he is important and needed in class.
- Be sure to warn the teacher about your child’s problems (stuttering, need to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, and skin diseases must be monitored and treated if possible. All this can cause ridicule from peers.
- Teach your child useful skills in relationships with other people: more activity, friendliness, the ability to stand up for himself, and when necessary, to restrain himself and give in. And remember: the more confident a child feels, the easier these skills are for him. It would not be out of place to ask the class teacher to support his son or daughter, perhaps to involve him in some important matter, which will increase his prestige in the eyes of others. But it cannot be ruled out that the situation in the children’s team is actually too unhealthy, and then it would be better to transfer the child to another school.
Teach your child how to make friends.
- We must teach the child to take into account the opinions of others, find compromises, learn tolerance and accommodating behavior. According to research by psychologists, at least one mutual affection in the class makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a group compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not by those whom he chooses.
- Having friends is a very important component of a child’s emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and someone is interested in you. Growing up, the child puts more serious and deeper relationships into the concept of friendship.
Break stereotypes.
- Advise your child to change their behavior tactics. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able to not only puzzle his pursuers, but also take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can invite your child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone, to look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: "So what?"- or start laughing with them. In general, to do something that is not at all expected of him.
- Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, respond immediately. First of all, protect your child from communicating with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you shouldn’t leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim). It is important to help the child survive the mental trauma received, so most likely he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.
Speak words of love that give confidence. A parent is a “producer” of his child’s talents. When talking with a child or in his presence, you should not evaluate other adults (parents, teachers) or children. Speak to your child often words that demonstrate unconditional love and build self-confidence.
- I love you. I trust you. I'm on your side.
- What would you do yourself? How can you change the situation yourself?
- Everything will work out for you in the best possible way, safe for you.
- You are strong, you are smart, you are capable, don't give up.
- You will succeed. I'm proud of you.
- How was your day?
- How can I help?
- Thank you for helping me.
Create a social circle for your child.
- We need to help organize communication for the child and create an appropriate environment. It’s not enough to just send him to a suitable team; invite the children home, if possible, meet their parents. Most importantly, unobtrusively create an acceptable social circle for your child (you should take care of this while the child is still small). These could be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and who treat each other kindly.
Learn to say no.
- There is no need to try to completely protect your child from negative experiences. In everyday life, it is impossible to avoid anger, resentment, or encounters with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without becoming like them.
- A child must be able to say “no”, not succumb to the provocations of his comrades, treat failures with humor, know that sometimes it is better to let adults in on your problems than to figure it out on your own, and be confident that his family will not brush him off, but will help and support him. in difficult times.

Organizing time. Opening speech by the class teacher.

– Good evening, dear parents! I am pleased to welcome you to the meeting. Thank you for taking the time to come to our meeting. I would like to start the meeting with the words of a famous writer A. de Saint-Exupéry “The only true luxury is the luxury of human communication.” The family provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the classroom. But often they notice before teachers do that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has poor relationships with classmates. What to do? So, today we will talk about how to help your child establish relationships with classmates. I invite a teacher-psychologist from the crisis center to a conversation.

– There are many sayings about friendship, both from ancient and modern thinkers. They all tried to understand what friendship is:

“The only way to have a friend is to be one yourself.” – Emerson.

“Without friendship, life is nothing.” – Cicero.

“Happiness has never placed a person at such a height that he did not need a friend.” – Seneca.

“The guys and I discussed a serious, interesting topic during class: “Friend, friendship, laws of friendship.” Children were asked to think about the question, what does “friendship” mean and why do people need it?

– I’m sure you, as parents, want your children to have reliable, loyal friends. Have you ever thought about what true friendship is? Agree, after all, friendship is discord with friendship. Surely, if you now conduct an “audit” of your friends, you will see that not all of them fit the definition of a FRIEND. For the most part, these are just friends - you can communicate with them, go somewhere together, organize holidays, etc., but if the matter concerns something serious, then you can hardly expect help from them.

- It’s the same with your children. There is confusion between the concepts of “friends” and “buddies”. Those whom they call friends, by and large, are not, because... In elementary school, friendships often develop for random reasons (they live nearby, sit at the same desk, parents are friends, etc.). They meet with friends to play sports, play, walk or study. And with a friend they usually share their dreams, feelings, worries, experiences. And although friendships before the age of 10 do not develop to the heights of friendship, nevertheless, friends, as a rule, call themselves best friends.

Teacher: on the eve of class, I asked the guys to write essay on the topic “My friend”.

– The students’ answers will give you an idea of the nature of the children’s interpersonal relationships. So, for some schoolchildren, a friend, first of all, is a protector (“he will not leave you in trouble,” “he will protect you if you are beaten,” “he will always stand up and get you out of trouble”); for others, a friend is an assistant (“helps when it’s difficult,” “will always support,” “will help you cope with your studies”). Many children identify a friend as a partner for play and constructive communication (“A friend and I always play together,” “We never quarrel with him,” “You can always find a common language with friends, even if we have different opinions”). A friend acts as a partner in confidential communication (“You can tell your best friend a secret secret,” “You can trust a friend,” “You can tell him about your love”). For some guys, a friend is an understanding family member (“This person understands you,” “A friend always understands you and believes you,” “A friend is someone with whom you are inseparable,” “This is the best person, not counting your parents”). A free time partner is also a friend (“You can have a good time with a friend,” “It’s never boring to walk with him,” “I like to go shopping, to the cinema, to any different places with a friend”).

– Thus, the answers give ideas about the value orientations of children in interpersonal relationships, reveal socio-psychological needs (for safe dialogue, for psychological support, for establishing trusting relationships, for constructive communication, etc.). Each student has his own degree of expression of needs and value orientations.

– It was interesting how girls “see” their friend, and how boys see them. What is common in the answers of girls and boys: a friend is a person: someone you can trust (“tell secrets”, “reveal a secret”); with whom you can organize joint activities (“walk together,” “go on a visit”); who will help in difficult times (“will tell you what to do”, “support”).
Differences in views manifest themselves primarily in different forms of relationships. Girls

highlight such qualities of a friend as the ability to sympathize and communicate confidentially; A friend for girls is a very close person, like a brother or sister.
That is, for girls the emotional component of interpersonal relationships is more significant and valuable. Boys, on the other hand, emphasize the activity-based characteristics of relationships: “A friend will intercede if someone offends,” “You can play outdoor games with a friend,” “You can give him gifts.”

One student wrote that he communicates with friends not because they have expensive phones or because they are excellent students, but because he is interested in them.

Features of friendship in primary school age:

Folds according to random motives .

Relationships are fragile

Requirements

doesn't always apply to yourself

Consumer attitude
to friendship

– By the end of 4th grade many children mature into lasting friendships, relationships with peers become more significant than studying.

This shows up:

– Why don’t all children have friends? What does the choice depend on? It may well be that the child is choosing a friend incorrectly.

A necessary prerequisite for lasting friendship is likely to be personal choice based on difficult to define sympathy.

It is possible that such sympathy depends on shortcomings that the child vaguely finds in himself and does not see in his chosen partner: the spoiled chooses the independent, the cowardly chooses the brave, the stupid chooses the smart, i.e. its opposite. Such a choice most likely will not become the basis of a lasting friendship.

no flaws at all? This does not and cannot happen. In this case, the result of the search may be either the inability to find a friend or disappointment in him.

Or maybe the child is looking for a friend in your own image and likeness, only worse? Friendship with such a person will not last long, his stupidity will begin to irritate him, and everything will end in a quarrel.

– But still, as proven by psychological research, the true basis for friendship depends on similarities, interests, and ways of thinking.

In order to find a friend to your liking, you must, first of all, figure out in yourself, in your preferences and shortcomings, in the very concept of friendship.

– Now let’s talk about what interferes with friendship. Perhaps the inability to establish friendly relationships is due to shyness, inability to communicate, ignorance of basic rules behavior. By the way, if a child is very closed, then classmates can instinctively provoke him into aggression in order to see what he will do in response and evaluate whether it is dangerous or not?

Maybe the child is almost always walks with a frown, rarely smiles? Do you want to build a relationship with a person who is constantly in a bad mood?

Maybe, bad student? For elementary school this is a very important indicator.

Often takes offense? Resentment is also a type of aggression, a way of manipulating people; not everyone will like it if they are manipulated.

Or maybe he nerd And crybaby, complains with or without reason? Like that, for sure. Nobody loves.

Or alarmist, subject to constant causeless fear? After a month of communicating with such a person, you will be very tired. A gloomy, pessimistic attitude towards life can turn friends away from a child.

Or maybe he braggart or know-it-all? Agree, a person who constantly lectures everyone and says that he can do better and tells everyone about everything becomes simply unbearable.

It happens that a person no sense of humor. It's very hard. There is always a tense atmosphere in the presence of such people. Those around them are afraid of offending such a person with a random joke. By the way, having a sense of humor does not necessarily mean being able to have fun and have fun. This is, first of all, the ability to withstand life’s difficulties, optimism, the ability to laugh, joke about oneself, adequately accepting humor addressed to oneself as well.

And they are not friends with liars and mean-spirited people, dirty people and greedy people, with envious people and dishonest people.

What should you do to find a friend?

Explain to the child so that he:

he was not shy about being kind, he smiled more often - people are drawn to those who are kind and smiling;

respected and loved himself, then those around him will love him - if a person does not love himself, then who will love him?;

was simple and natural (excesses are often found in children's environments).

Memo for parents

For your part, as parents, you can do the following:

invite your child’s classmates to visit, so you will get to know them better and be able to control and influence their relationships;
help the class teacher with extracurricular activities, this will help unite the class and, in addition, improve your relationship with your child;

give your child independence in choosing friends and resolving conflicts, and if you do intervene, then sort things out not with the offender, but with his parents, and not over the phone, but in public - for example, at a parent-teacher meeting;
teach not to be afraid of mistakes, talk about your problems in childhood, how you experienced them and how you dealt with them, this will reduce your child’s excessive anxiety and tension, improve his behavior and attractiveness to his peers;
allow the expression of negative emotions, because... such a prohibition can cause difficulties in establishing relationships with people (for example, a child will avoid any physical contact, even for the purpose of protection; in physical education lessons he will refuse to play basketball; he will be wary of throwing a “snowball” made of paper); a person living a full life allows himself to be both happy and angry; By the way, boyish fights are mainly the result of the need for tactile contact, since boys cannot satisfy this need in any other way;
think about whether your child’s quarrels with friends are a consequence of your mistakes in his upbringing: if at home he is the center of the universe, then he expects the same attitude from other children, achieves his goal by provoking conflicts; if a child is abandoned, he experiences resentment and anger - he takes out the feelings that have accumulated in his soul in quarrels; if you often witness quarrels between parents or other family members, they begin to imitate their behavior;
Discuss with your child the reasons for conflicts with friends, try to become a friend for him;
Explain what the “friendship code” is.

"Code of Friendship".

1. Share news.
2. Provide support and volunteer help if necessary.
3. Try to make your friend feel good in your company.
4. Trust.
5. Protect a friend in his absence.
6. Don't criticize your friend publicly.
7. Don’t be annoying, don’t lecture.

– This does not mean at all that when you come home you will tell your child: “They are not friends with you because you... . Now I will teach you.” It's best to say it this way: "I love you very much. I have a wonderful you, but sometimes you don’t do things quite right: ... If you want to have friends, try to do the following: ... It’s possible that not everything will work out right away, there will be mistakes. But you're just learning to be friends. I am sure that in time you will succeed.”

- Thank you for your attention. We hope that our advice will be useful to you in raising your children.

School is a place where one learns and gains knowledge. Yes, you can't argue with that. But everything is not limited only to lessons, teachers and homework. You spend most of your time at school and, whether you like it or not, you have to communicate with a variety of people - your classmates and classmates.

It's great if the class is friendly and the guys treat each other well. However, you yourself know: no matter how good the relationships in the class are, quarrels, showdowns and conflicts cannot be avoided. Besides, there will always be a few students who are disliked. They don’t make friends or even communicate with them, and if they do talk, it all comes down to teasing in order to offend or touch a nerve. Being rejected is something you wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Who becomes the outcast? Why does this happen and what to do if you are one of them?

Are outcasts a stigma for your entire school life?

The family accepts you for who you are. Your parents love you not for anything, but simply because you exist. Of course, you are used to being treated with love.

But at school everything is different. A class is a group that you need to join. And if you are somehow different from others, then you risk being counted among these very outcasts. Stupid nicknames are used, which are awarded to those who somehow stand out from the main mass: momma's daughter, crammer, fool, fat, crazy, sneak... Read the next section carefully. Perhaps among the listed types of outcasts you will find someone you know. Or even yourself.

Fool, jester, clown...

Sometimes seemingly harmless nicknames stick so much that the person is no longer called by name. Few people like to be called a fool. Of course, you can call that annoying Ivanov, who constantly pulls your pigtails or brazenly cheats on tests. Ivanov, most likely, will not pay attention. But if the nickname “fool” has firmly stuck to one of your classmates, you can only sympathize with him. Surely in your class there is a kind of clown who, during the teacher’s explanation, makes faces, grimaces and imitates his manner of speaking. Everyone laughs out loud at the fool's antics, but this is only during lessons. And as soon as the bell rings, the clown is bypassed, and he remains in splendid isolation. Why? Yes, because no one wants to be the friend of a fool! No one will even talk to a fool, let alone be friends... Nevertheless, the fool himself would be happy to communicate, but he just doesn’t know how to attract attention to himself. So it turns out that maybe someone will regret it, but no one will stoop to friendship with a fool.

Psycho

It is unlikely that anyone in the class will be friends with a person who is called a psycho. And who would want to communicate with someone who has absolutely no self-control? Crazy people often throw notebooks and books in a fit of anger, and if they receive a reprimand from a teacher or a bad grade, they may burst into tears or, on the contrary, loudly slam the door and run out of the classroom. You never know what a psycho will do at one time or another. That is why no one will be friends with a psycho - you never know what comes into his head this time!

Crammed

The one thing my classmates really don't like is the crammer. The attitude towards these guys is initially negative. Although, it would seem, they go to school in order to gain knowledge. Then why are crammers not held in high esteem? Who, who, and they know everything perfectly well!

They know, but they are in no hurry to share their knowledge. The cram raises his hand when no one in the class knows the answer to the teacher’s question; during breaks he does not part with his textbooks, and spends all his free time doing homework. But try copying from him during a test! The crammer will say with a smart look: “I should have taught it at home!”

Naturally, after this, the desire to ask about anything disappears completely. And no one will communicate with an arrogant person, that’s for sure.

Suck up

A sucker is practically no different from a bison. He also constantly holds out his hand when no one knows the answer, he also sits with books, and also does not let you copy. The only difference is that the suckers are much worse at cramming. They are always trying to please the teachers, constantly ingratiating themselves and informing on others. If there is a student in your class who is a suck-up, he will probably be disliked. Although they don’t like me - that’s putting it mildly! It’s sickening to watch how the sycophant smiles ingratiatingly while helping to carry a heavy teacher’s bag or slipping another chocolate bar onto the teacher’s desk. Be friends with a scammer, sneak and suck-up? It’s unlikely that anyone would stoop to such a thing!

Sissy

Those who are overprotected by their parents (especially grandmother or mother) are teased in the classroom as mama's boys or daughters. They like to humiliate and offend such guys, but not openly, but on the sly. Of course: as soon as a mother’s boy runs to complain about his harmful classmates, who then get the full punishment. Even if mama's boys are not openly teased, few people agree to be friends with them.

How to avoid becoming an outcast

What to do if you recognize yourself in one of the listed types of outcasts?

Maybe you yourself don’t understand why you have brought the discontent of others upon yourself? It seems like she hasn’t done anything bad to anyone, but as a result there are no friends in the class. It’s good if your classmates treat you neutrally and indifferently, but there may be cases of bullying, beatings and even worse.

At school there is a set of unwritten rules that you must follow in order to be respected. Don't know how to behave? Here you will find a list of what you need to do while studying at school.

- Be responsive and cordial. There are many people in this world who deserve sympathy. Take pity on a stray dog who was wronged by hooligans, a classmate who was undeservedly scolded, a penniless beggar. If you truly empathize with others, people will be drawn to you and respect you.

- Be kind. No matter how trite it sounds, kindness has never hurt anyone. Help your friends when they need it. Don’t be greedy, treat your seatmate with an apple, lend money for travel, give a classmate a textbook or a pen if he forgot them at home. Be generous, but don't fawn, and you will never be considered greedy or a suck-up!

- Remember: there are no sinless people. Everyone has their flaws, and if you are friends with a person, accept them for who they are. Don't try to change your best friend, don't judge your friend for inattention and absent-mindedness. Each person is unique - agree, if everyone were correct and ideal, life would become very boring!

- Be honest with others. People appreciate sincerity, so don't be afraid to tell the truth. Classmates are unlikely to believe you, knowing that you constantly lie to your parents or teachers. After all, this means that you can deceive them with the same ease! Nobody wants to communicate with a dishonest person.

However, there are situations when it is very difficult to make a choice. On the one hand, it is in the interests of the class to tell a lie to an adult: if your lie can save a classmate from reprisal (even if he deserves punishment), peers will regard the lie as a good deed. But if you tell the truth, you may be considered a traitor. On the other hand, you should never remain silent if someone is being bullied.

What to do if you don’t want to lie, but telling the truth is not an option? In this case, it is best to remain silent. Then you won't betray your friend. However, the choice is yours. You yourself must decide who is important to you - a friend or someone else.

- Don’t give free rein to your emotions! Hysterics and tears do not make anyone happy. You are not a little girl to cry over failures. Sometimes it is better to remain silent and walk away proudly than to show your weakness. Then, at least, no one will have a reason to call you a crybaby or a hysteric.

— Responsibility is an excellent quality. Always keep your word! Remember: there is nothing worse than broken promises. It's better not to take on a task if you can't complete it.

Take a responsible approach to your school responsibilities. Don't shirk tasks if you don't want to appear irresponsible and unable to make decisions!

— Be decisive and courageous, always achieve your goal, even if it is difficult. Be responsible for your actions: if you make a mistake, you should correct it, not mom or dad.

- Keep the secrets entrusted to you. Don’t stoop to gossip, only vile people, cowards and hypocrites, and even grandmas at the entrance, slander and gossip. If you are dissatisfied with a person's actions, tell him so to his face! You're not a coward to talk bad things about a person behind his back, are you? Don't betray your friends: betrayal is not forgiven!

- If you have any beliefs, don’t change them twenty times a day. Consistency in views is an important quality! But don't be too serious either. Learn to approach your problems with humor, because you remember that laughter is the best medicine! Learn to laugh at yourself. After all, this is an art that not everyone masters. If you treat yourself with humor, it kills any desire to tease and ridicule you. What's the point in laughing at a person who can laugh at himself? Still, don’t let yourself become a laughing stock for the class.

If you're an outcast

But what if, despite all your efforts and efforts, your classmates do not accept you? If they are not just indifferent and indifferent to you, but mock you, or, even worse, stoop to bullying and beating?

Here are our tips if this concerns you.

- Don’t despair and don’t panic! There is nothing worse than panic; as you know, it has sunk ships. It is best to ask adults for help. But these must be people who are able to listen to you, understand you and take concrete measures. The bullying and beatings must stop! If your offenders simply hear the condescending “don’t offend others, it’s bad,” it’s unlikely to have an effect on them. The result will almost certainly be exactly the opposite: the beatings will not stop, but will begin with redoubled force, and, on top of that, you will also be dubbed an informer.

— When talking about the reasons for bullying, try to understand what caused it. If you really did something that offended or set your peers up, tell them honestly about it. One way or another, everything secret will become clear, so your objectivity and fairness will only benefit you now.

❧ Do you remember how in Victor Dragunsky’s story Denisk poured semolina porridge on the head of an unsuspecting passerby? After all, no one listened to the unfortunate child, who was disgusted with such food; from a victim, he immediately turned into a liar.

- If you are bullied at school, do not despair. Find a line of behavior for yourself that will help stop bullying. Why is there bullying in the classroom? Yes, because just studying is boring, so you need to entertain yourself with something! How? Catch the victim in an offense that shows him from an unfavorable side, and begin to persecute him on a “legal” basis! It’s fun, the lessons fly by, and what else do you need for happiness?

Moreover, resistance leads to nothing. The victim will be immediately reminded of what she has done and for what she will be punished. In this case, the severity of the punishment significantly exceeds the seriousness of the offense. The excuse has been found, you can mock at full force! And in fact, bullying cannot be called anything other than bullying. A well-mannered person will never stoop to such baseness, and don’t allow yourself to be bullied!

If you realize that you have become a victim of bullying, immediately seek help from an adult. Don't be afraid to say that you are being bullied. Sometimes the only solution is to move to another school. Remember: asking for this is not cowardice or an attempt to escape from difficulties! If you don't want to live in constant fear of your classmates and become a downtrodden victim, this is the best option.

But if moving to another school is not possible, you need to show courage and determination. Never show your offenders that you are hurt and offended, otherwise they will redouble their efforts and begin to turn your life into hell. In this case, you can try to become indifferent to bullying. Deprive offenders of the pleasure of seeing you suffer. Don't pay any attention to them.

But silence is not an option; it can be perceived as a sign of weakness. If your things are taken away, resolutely demand them back; if you are beaten, hit back, do not be afraid to fight back! Perhaps if bullies see that the victim can show his teeth, the pleasure of persecution will disappear and the bullying will stop.

If everything is to no avail and the bullying not only does not stop, but can already cause serious harm to your physical and mental health, do not be afraid to seek justice! Contact the police, the press, those who can really help you. Sometimes this is the only way out. Remember: you are a person who should be respected, and don’t let anyone bully you!

When sending a child to school, parents are primarily concerned about the quality of education and the reputation of the educational institution. But at school, a little person receives not only knowledge, but also experience in communicating in a team. Unfortunately, relationships with classmates do not always work out.
According to recent data, one in four schoolchildren are bullied by other students. Moreover, we should be especially concerned about this - in our country, cases of bullying of teenagers are registered much more often than in European countries.

2. Types of persecution.

Problems in communicating with peers can arise in a child both in kindergarten and in elementary school. However, at this age there is still no team cohesion, and attempts to offend another child are not systematic. By the third grade, the so-called public opinion has formed, which, whether the child wants it or not, he is obliged to take into account. By the age of 10-11, the understanding of how to behave in a particular children's group takes on a stable form. It is at this age that schoolchildren actively strive to find their place in the group and gain the authority and respect of their classmates. This creates an atmosphere of competition, which often leads to regular harassment of one or more class members. Psychologists call this phenomenon bullying.
Most often, aggressive persecution is expressed in the form of insults, threats, or, conversely, complete ignoring of the victim, as well as physical damage (beating, damage to property). The accessibility of the Internet has contributed to the emergence of a type of systematic harassment called cyberbullying. A study conducted in France at the beginning of 2012 showed that one in four schoolchildren had experienced peer aggression online. Cyber bullies influence the victim with frequent emails and SMS. An Internet attack is always sudden and therefore has a strong psychological impact on the victim. Without knowing the persecutor by sight, the victim feels that the offender is most likely in his immediate circle. And he begins to fear aggression from everyone he knows. First of all, from classmates, which increases the teenager’s feeling of insecurity in an educational institution.

3. Zeitgeist.

The recent trend is to post bullying filmed on a mobile phone on social networks and free video hosting sites: a shocking real video is shot where children show the world their “coolness”.
According to educational psychologists, by attracting public attention, adolescents satisfy the need for self-affirmation. Like, look what we are capable of. In addition, in this way another goal is achieved - to publicly humiliate the victim “for the whole world.” And since today there is a great feeling of general impunity, teenagers do not even think about the consequences for themselves.
According to experts, bullying is primarily one of the manifestations of the boy subculture. According to statistics, boys resort to bullying by peers 2-3 times more often than girls. Cases of persecution of girls by boys, boys by girls, and girls by girls are much less common. However, recently, girls are increasingly acting as active and no less cruel aggressors. Sociologists believe that this became possible due to the weakening of role differences in the behavior of men and women.

4. Distribution of roles.

As a rule, a number of actors take part in bullying: instigators, persecutors, victims, observers.
The initiators of bullying are usually one or two fellow students. The victim begins to be ridiculed, teased, pointedly not accepted into games, bullied or ignored. The goal of the instigator is to assert himself and stand out in the team. Personal revenge is much less common.
Often the instigators are children who claim to be the leader of the class and strive to be the center of attention. According to a study by Western psychologist Dan Olweus, among boys 12-16 years old the proportion of aggressors is about 5%. Most often these come from prosperous and wealthy families! Persecutors are children who, under the leadership of instigators, participate in bullying. They laugh at the victim, pick up offensive nicknames and treat the outcast just like the instigators. Most of these guys commit cruelty, obeying the herd mentality, wanting to earn approval from the leader. Some do this out of boredom, while others do it out of fear of ending up in the victim's shoes. Persecutors are characterized as adolescents who are cowardly, easily influenced, self-centered, irresponsible, and lacking in self-confidence.
Observers do not prevent bullying. But, lacking the courage to stand up to bullies, they encourage bullying through silence and inaction.
Sometimes there are children in the school community trying to protect the victim. Having an advocate can make a difference, especially if they have authority or are not alone in speaking out against bullying. As practice shows, in this case the persecution most often stops. However, it happens that the defender himself turns into an object of bullying. And then, in order to change the state of affairs, he begins to take an active part in harassing the outcast.

5. Who is at risk?

Physically weak, anxious, timid and lonely children are often targeted. Experts include the following psychological characteristics of the victim: physical disabilities and diseases that negatively affect appearance or manifest “shameful” consequences (such as enuresis), unsuccessful in studies, often missing classes, overprotected by parents, inadequately assessing themselves (possessing both too high and low self-esteem), unwilling to comply with the rules and hierarchy in the team.
Even a gifted child can become an outcast. A survey of talented American eighth-graders showed that 67% of them were harassed by classmates during their years of study.

6. How to correct the situation?

Unfortunately, a child does not always tell his parents that he is being bullied by his peers. Some people think that adults will not take the problem seriously. Others believe that they will not try to do anything. Still others fear that intervention will only worsen the situation - the torturers will severely punish the informer.
Having learned about their child’s bullying, some parents try not to interfere in the conflict and only advise how to correct the situation.

WHO representatives also note the propensity for violence in children:

hyperactive;
impulsive, risk-taking;
with a low level of control over their behavior;
with absent-minded attention, which appeared before the age of 13, low performance at school.

In this case, the prerequisites for the formation of aggressive behavior are:

weak control from parents;
use of harsh physical punishment;
low socio-economic status of the family.

Experts believe that the victim alone will not be able to change the existing stereotype of the group’s behavior. Therefore, adult intervention and comprehensive work, in which both child victims and their parents, teachers and the whole class must take part, are necessary.

In developed countries of the world, the problem of bullying has long been dealt with not only by scientists, but also by legislative authorities. Dozens of national and international websites and funds have been created to help victims of bullying. Experts provide consultations on bullying prevention and develop special programs.

Currently, about 12 preventive programs are recognized as effective, the most famous and widely implemented of which is that of psychologist Dan Olweus. Since 2001, it began to be used in Norwegian schools, which allowed not only to reduce cases of aggressive persecution by 30-50%, but also indicators of antisocial behavior. It is based on 4 basic principles, which involve the creation of a school (and, ideally, home) environment characterized by:

warmth, positive interest and involvement of adults;
firm boundaries and restrictions on unacceptable behavior;
consistently applying non-punitive, non-physical sanctions for unacceptable behavior and rule violations;
the presence of adults who act as authorities and role models.

The success of the Olweus program has received international recognition and has already been partially implemented in England, the USA, Lithuania and other European countries. In Canada, where close attention is also paid to the problem of bullying, a technique has been developed for the early detection of aggression in children, which makes it possible to correct the child’s behavior, preventing the manifestation of antisocial behavior in the future. And to suppress cyber-bullying in the American city of Ontario, a tough and at the same time effective measure was taken - the person who started the bullying is expelled from school.

7. Here and now.

In our country, no one is systematically involved in the protection and psychological rehabilitation of a child who has become a victim of bullying. Therefore, in order to pay attention to the problem and stop the persecution, parents must be persistent. First of all, you should inform the school psychologist about what is happening. In some cases, the only effective way to protect a child from further aggression is to transfer to another school. After all, the longer the bullying continues, the longer and more difficult social adaptation will be.

How can a strategy for suppressing and preventing bullying be built? School psychologists see it this way:

Assessment of the situation: how it all started, who is the instigator.
Diagnosis of the psychological climate of the team.
Developing a plan to stop bullying together with teachers - do not provoke (for example, with disciplinary sanctions), do not leave children unsupervised (they are often bullied in locker rooms).
Working with parents: notify students' families about what is happening and discuss strategies for their behavior with children.
Organize so-called class unity events.
Conversations, trainings, overcoming difficulties together. For example, a hike: the victim will have the opportunity to show himself in a different capacity.
Individual work with the victim, aggressors, instigators.

How can parents understand if their child is being bullied? According to school psychologists, you should be wary if a teenager:

is reluctant to go to school and is very happy about any opportunity not to go there;
returns from school depressed;
often cries for no obvious reason; talks little about his school life;
lonely: doesn't know who to call to learn lessons; no one invites him to visit, on holidays.

8. Consequences of bullying.

Unfortunately, bullying does not go unnoticed. And this applies to all participants. Former tormentors are characterized by severe anxiety, antisocial traits, depression and various types of addictions. If it turns out that your child was among the aggressors, be sure to talk to him. About self-respect, humanity, empathy and the influence of the crowd. He must understand that, following the lead of the collective, he risks tomorrow taking the place of the persecuted.
Particular attention should be paid to helping victims of bullying. Psychologists equate the consequences of bullying to post-traumatic stress. It is difficult for such a person to build relationships with others and trust them. In addition, in certain circumstances, the ex-victim may herself become a persecutor, as if to compensate for the humiliation experienced or out of fear of a repetition of the situation.
Therefore, if your child has suffered from bullying, you should immediately contact a psychologist. A specialist will help the teenager express all emotions and anxieties, get rid of fears, relearn how to build relationships with others and resist aggression in the future.

Communication with peers is a special area of a teenager’s life. It is known that the influence of comrades and classmates on him, both positive and negative, can be very great. However, the psychological mechanisms of such influence are often unclear to both teachers and parents. They are determined by the uniqueness of the developmental processes occurring at this age associated with the transition from childhood to adulthood. Communication with peers is a special area of a teenager’s life. It is known that the influence of comrades and classmates on him, both positive and negative, can be very great. However, the psychological mechanisms of such influence are often unclear to both teachers and parents. They are determined by the uniqueness of the developmental processes occurring at this age associated with the transition from childhood to adulthood. Adolescence is characterized by the emergence of a new level of self-awareness, conventionally called by psychologists a sense of adulthood. It is expressed in the desire to be and be considered an adult. Compared to primary school age, this is a completely new position in relation to oneself and the world around us. Adolescence is characterized by the emergence of a new level of self-awareness, conventionally called by psychologists a sense of adulthood. It is expressed in the desire to be and be considered an adult. Compared to primary school age, this is a completely new position in relation to oneself and the world around us.

Friendship Friendship is a selfless personal relationship between people based on love, trust, sincerity, mutual sympathy, common interests and hobbies. Mandatory signs of friendship are trust and patience. People connected by friendship are called friends. A prerequisite for the existence of friendly connections is the absence of interpersonal competition in the circle of friends, a relatively equal position in the social ladder

Shabalina Maria Aleksandrovna I think that school friendship is the strongest friendship, because it lasts a lifetime. It is very important not to lose her. That is, parting with school friends after 9th or 11th grade, and then meeting them, communicating, calling each other, etc.

School is not only a constant flow of new knowledge, but also a real test of strength, including a test of friendship. Everyone makes friends differently: for some, a friend is a person with whom you have fun and a pleasant time, for others, someone you can always rely on, who is your right hand in any trouble, which is sometimes so pleasant to hold on to, knowing that you are not alone with your experiences and sad thoughts!