Man and woman are polarities, between which they constantly sparkle.
Therefore, indifference in the psychology of a man's relationship to a woman is, in fact, impossible. Yin and Yang, active and passive, explicit and hidden, logic and intuition, restraint and passion - between these opposite poles there is always tension, an energy current. In appearance, it can be different - a man next to a woman may feel a surge of energy and strength, or vice versa, relationships exhaust both.
It all depends on the goal. If a woman intends to use a man for physical and material pleasures, his potential will quickly dry up, not getting anything in return.
If she seeks to fill her chosen one with care, attention and love - a man is unlikely to leave such a cozy space, of course, if he has not completely descended, and except for the satisfaction of animal instincts, he does not care about anything.
Indifference is common in relationship psychology. Both women and men can be indifferent. Although, in truth, the stronger sex sins this more. Why? A man by nature, a player, a passionate nature. Therefore, his interest must be constantly warmed up. For male attention there should always be a point of application - and this “point” is in a woman - something that awakens in him the excitement and desire to get to know you further!
Reasons for indifference in relationships
Male curiosity and female secret always go together. If you want a man to pay attention to you, do not reveal all the secrets at once.
Let, after a year, five years, ten, you will still be terra incognita for him (as they used to call unknown lands that have yet to be discovered).
By the way, about the meaning of the word. Let's be clear about what indifference means - it is an indifferent, indifferent attitude towards someone or something. What does a person usually not want to participate in? In the fact that he is not interested in any way ... or the grave consequences of a relationship with a woman have been deposited in his past, and feigned indifference covers up mental pain. Often, ladies' men, Don Juans, womanizers become after a single bitter parting.
But if this option is the area of \u200b\u200bthe psychologist's help, then how to be attractive depends solely on the woman. And I'm not talking about looks, wardrobe or makeup here.
The female mystery is not dictated by fashion.
Remember the most femme fatale women in history - Cleopatra, Roksolana, - small stature, with a nondescript face, the best of the best achieved their society!
And how is indifference solved in the psychology of relationships now? Here are the queries women enter when searching online:
- how to take revenge on my husband for indifference?
- how to teach a lesson for indifference?
- how to punish him for indifference?
Come to your senses, you have a war or a relationship ?! Although for many couples, alas, it is the same thing. There is, of course, the request
Husband's indifference. What to do?
We will try to find the answer to it together. Indifference in the psychology of a man's relationship to a woman can be corrected. First, accept that you may be the cause of your indifference. Blaming other people for your troubles is stupid and pointless. Now ask yourself:
- When did you notice the first signs of your husband's indifference?
- What happened on the eve of this moment?
- What have you done to make him lose attention to you? Or not? ..
Play these questions in different order, and write down everything that comes to mind without hesitation.
- How do you benefit from an indifferent relationship?
- And why do you need this particular man who is next to you now?
Of course, the reasons for indifference can be discussed together, but only if you calmly accept any mutual answers. A good option is to seek psychological advice, especially if the biography contains the loss of a loved one and the pain of separation.
Soul layers are not easy to remove, so trust a professional. Often, under the indifference of relationships lie very strong feelings, there would be enough patience and a desire to find them ...
I can hear the reproach, they say, why should a woman be attractive and charming, but a man, as always, will not hit his finger ?!
- First, you are again looking for the cause not in yourself.
- And secondly ... for God's sake, stay ordinary, your will. Life depends on choice. The same Roksolana studied the Turkish language and the laws of government in order to be attractive to the sultan, Cleopatra comprehended alchemy and the secrets of magic.
What interests you, first of all, to yourself? ..
Everyone talks about the mistakes of women in relationships, but for some reason no one mentions the mistakes of men. And despite the fact that a woman has a neck and a lot depends on her behavior, still the family is the area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility of both spouses. Sometimes it is the husbands who start the snowball, which soon becomes so large that it is already difficult to understand who is to blame for the family problems.
One of the mistakes is the indifference of a man in relations with a woman and coldness. There are families in which husbands do not like their wives, raise their hand to them, shout, and show indifference simply for the reason that they do not care about their wife. We will not consider these cases, since there is only one way out of this situation - divorce. We will talk about those cases when a man's indifference manifests itself due to wrong attitudes, misunderstanding of the female nature or his own selfishness.
How does the indifference and coldness of a man manifest in a relationship?
- He is not interested in how his wife is doing, how her day went, what difficulties she faced;
- He does not offer his help if the wife is tired;
- He is not worried about her health, emotional state, mood;
- He does not solve the problems that the woman tells him about;
- He ignores her requests;
- He doesn't care about her welfare;
- He does not show any feelings towards her;
“He doesn't tell her that he loves;
- He does not want physical intimacy, citing fatigue;
- He does not make any signs of attention, does not give gifts, flowers.
If these points are present in the relationship between a man and a woman, it means, one way or another, the man shows indifference to his beloved.
Let's figure it out why can a man show indifference in a relationship with a woman?
- Since childhood, a man has incorrect attitudes towards women;
- The man has no understanding of the feminine nature, he does not know what his wife really needs;
- He emotionally burns out at work and there is simply no strength left for a relationship with his wife;
- A man experiences dissatisfaction with his needs, which is why he is not going to satisfy the needs of his wife;
- For a man, his own comfort zone is more important;
- The woman thinks that she is not worthy of it, and the man just mirrors her;
- A man doesn't love a woman.
As you can see, there can be many reasons for male indifference, so it's too early to say that he doesn't love his wife. Now let's go through each item in more detail:
- Since childhood, a man has incorrect attitudes towards women.What does it mean? This means that it was different in his family. For example, his father was a military man: he was laconic, cold and did not help his mother around the house. Housework is a woman's work, it was an unshakable rule. So the boy grew up, absorbing it as a dogma. It is this model of relations between a man and a woman that is the norm for him, and when he gets married, he automatically recreates what he has seen for years.
So much for a husband who doesn't help his wife, who doesn't talk about love and generally behaves coldly. And this does not mean that he does not love her!
What to do?Talk to him, talk about how it hurts you because he behaves this way. Talk about your family, where there was a different model of relationship. Ask to behave differently. But this should be said not in an accusatory form, but in a soft, "I-messages". What are I-Messages?
“You are to blame for my pain”, “You ruined my whole life” - these are “You-messages”.
“It hurts me when you do this”, “I take offense at you” - “I-messages”.
One has only to start a conversation with "You-messages", and the man will immediately think that you are accusing him, and will rears. And the best defense, as you know, is attack.
- The man has no understanding of the feminine nature, he does not know what his wife really needs.His mother probably played the role of a victim, did not allow herself, did not demand anything from his father. And therefore she did not teach her son what is really important for a woman.
Very often men do not give flowers or do not give compliments simply because they do not know that their woman wants it. That she needs it. In general, many men tend to think that throwing words or showing romanticism is somehow unmanly. Here are the real actions - yes. And they are silent as partisans, they don’t give gifts, they don’t make surprises.
What to do?Again, talk to your husband about your needs, desires, dreams. Say, for example, like this: "I would be even happier if you would give me flowers at least sometimes." And don't blame. Nothing!
- He emotionally burns out at work and there is simply no strength left for a relationship with his wife.If this is the reason for a man's indifference, then, firstly, this indifference was not always there, and secondly, it will not always be. There are men who let all the problems at work pass through themselves, burn out emotionally, give all the best. But in any case, it is unrealistic to work at such a pace all the time. There are also periods of declines in activity, and finally the cycles of the moon.
What to do?Help him, do a relaxing massage in the evening, cook a delicious dinner. In a word, try to restore his strength after a hard day at work. And support him, encourage him, believe in his success.
- A man is not satisfied with his needs, which is why he is not going to satisfy the needs of his wife. This means that the snowball has already been started by the wife and is gradually growing and growing. Perhaps a man is not satisfied with something in sex or is offended by the behavior of his wife ... The bottom line is that he harbors a grudge, and therefore shows indifference and coldness. And, by the way, the wife is not always really to blame, there could simply be a misunderstanding. Therefore, you need to talk to each other, talk and talk again.
What to do?See above.
- For a man, his own comfort zone is more important.This is about those cases when a woman asks her husband to take out the trash or work with the children, and he lies and watches TV. Or plays "tanks". Or he goes to drink beer with friends. In a word, he does what he wants. He loves his wife too, but he loves himself more.
What to do?Look for the reasons for this behavior in yourself. Oddly enough, men who lie on the couch, being married to some, turn into the best knights by marrying others. Do you inspire your man to great deeds? Or perhaps sawing for any occasion? Here you need to think.
- The woman believes that she is not worthy of this, and the man is just mirroring her.A man always reflects the inner state of a woman. He is her mirror. Therefore, it is quite possible that she herself considers herself unworthy to be helped by a man, loved, pampered and talked about his love. A man, on the other hand, reads such a message at the energy level and behaves accordingly - he shows indifference and coldness. What she thinks she deserves.
What to do?Work on yourself, raise self-esteem, learn to love and respect yourself. A woman, naturally.
We do not consider the last point, since why then endure male indifference and coldness if he does not love?
Indifference is a hundred times worse than any strong feeling. After several years of marriage, the husband grows a well-fed tummy, and the wife does not know how else to be sophisticated in order to stir up such a boring, but still ardently not indifferent spouse. He does not care in what form she walks, he does not want to go out with her, because life is boiling around, and at his house there is complete stagnation.
Even if the wife defiles around the room naked, the indifferent husband doesn’t move anything, and the only thing he can say is “let me eat” and “move away, you are blocking the TV”. There is nothing to talk about, the children need to be put on their feet - that is why two are tormented, living on the same living space. It is more unpleasant for them than for people who are forced to rent an apartment together: the latter, after all, have no memories of their former love, and there is no bitterness that the romantic feeling disappears like icicles in March. And over time, the question already arises of how to make everything the same as before.
How can you change to be interesting again? Do I need to go to an astrologer or try to cope myself? A woman needs to do everything for her husband to react to her. Better good, but even if negative is also a success. Therefore, any change must be radical. All planned changes should be implemented in a comprehensive manner - for greater effect. You need to prepare carefully.
Visit to beauty salon and shopping. If there is no money for a new wardrobe, it is advisable to revise the "long forgotten old" and create new sets that emphasize the dignity of the figure. Every woman has something that she will defeat any man on the spot. If not breasts, then eyes with fluffy eyelashes, if not a thick oblique, then long legs on heels, if not an hourglass-like waist, then a graceful neck and an exquisite shoulder line. And can tell in what clothes you can be most interesting to your husband, looking at the signs of the zodiac.
Changing the family menu. Instead of borscht, cabbage rolls, dumplings and other suppliers of fat to the body, you need to offer your husband a dinner of seafood, green vegetables and a light dessert with a hint of continuation under the candle and wine. Whipped cream can be used not only as an addition to strawberries, but also as a filling for a hot night. There are never many aphrodisiacs of natural origin, and the husband will not have time to come to his senses, as he will hug his wife, like a teenager overflowing with hormones.
Fostering the spirit of adventurism in yourself... If before a woman was rarely, she is ready for spontaneous sex (“the food burns out, the child is crying, the guests will come soon, I’m busy, I’m only from the street and haven’t washed my hands yet…”), now you need to take the initiative, and not only her. There is hardly a man who will give up the sexual pleasure that suddenly descended on him in the performance of his own wife. Everything that happens between two people in agreement cannot be funny, ashamed or dirty. The main thing is that the man is satisfied. If he does not react to this, it means that he is an insensitive blockhead.
A radical change in behavior. If your wife always came home from work on time, now you can linger a little - “with friends, to the cinema, in a professional photography studio”. If you had to endure impartial statements from your husband in your direction, you should continue to suppress this. To the question "Where have you been?" you need to answer mysteriously, not providing full information, but not telling a lie. Let him think at his leisure! Awakening jealousy in your husband is an important success. The owner, who lives in every man, will certainly prove himself, and the wife will feel desirable, because her beloved is afraid of losing her.
You need to learn to respect yourself and not turn away, looking in the mirror, to realize that you are young and beautiful. A special energy comes from a confident woman. When the husband feels her, he (well, if not completely hopeless) will consider his attitude towards his wife, who has been devoted to him for so many years and lived exclusively for the family.
Unfortunately, crises in family life are not rare. For a couple, this is a serious test that requires understanding, attention and endurance!
Your condition is understandable. You have a certain idea of \u200b\u200bhow your husband should behave. But it turns out not at all. Resentment arises, anger follows, and now you are already losing control of yourself. You can try to restrain yourself as much as you like - for the sake of the family, for the sake of children, but the trick is that while you are annoyed by your husband's behavior, a quarrel is just a matter of time. Because it is impossible to hold the accumulated anger in oneself. So, something else remains ...
For example, a priori to forgive a husband for everything and accept that he has the right to be like that. In principle, we are all free, all are free to do as we know. And often defiant behavior of a person is dictated by the desire to prove it. "And here I am, love me ...". Somewhere in the depths of his soul, a person is sure - now they will begin to scold, shame, revile. He exposes a defense out of rudeness or silence, rests his gaze at the computer and waits ... The trick is that if one day he does not wait, first alertness, then surprise and interest, then a feeling of guilt, and finally - a desire to turn to face those who have recently rejected. It's akin to shock therapy. The tactic works. The trouble is that it is extremely difficult to endure and not start to shout as usual. Try it!
Second ... obviously your husband has something like a crisis in the second half of his life. All people know that life is finite ... But one day this obvious fact pops up in consciousness somehow too close. And the person understands that the years have passed, and the tree has not yet been planted, the book has not been written and, it seems, I will not climb into the mountains ... A strong person realizing this urgently runs after climbing equipment, and the weak, weak sticks to a computer or TV and begins to "fast", which in translation means "life has failed, leave me alone." There is only one way to help such a misfortune - by example. Try to abstract from your relationship and take care of yourself and your children. Do something new, meet friends, go on vacation ... and temporarily exclude your husband. One day he will look at you in surprise: "And what are they doing there?" Offer to join ... And that's it. Life will enter a new rut.
Of course, you can do self-regulation. Learn to restrain yourself.
You can provoke interest in your husband by portraying flirting on the side ...
Everything is allowed...
But in reality, only those marriages are not destroyed in which partners are constantly growing above themselves and periodically pulling each other along. Your husband is not on horseback now, so it's up to you. Become interesting to yourself, throw firewood into the firebox and everything will work out.
Happiness and all the best