Friends are very important. For both adults and children. When you have friends, life is fun and interesting, and even troubles are easily overcome.
It’s even better when you have one or two very, very close friends, the kind with whom you can spend your entire life together and not get bored.
And besides them there are many just friends, not so close. Even if sometimes they were a little harmful, you could still play with them. And if you quarrel, then you can make up pretty quickly.
In general, when a person has good friends, this is happiness. And if NO?
If you recently moved and moved to a new school? Or didn’t switch, but everything is pretty bad in the old one? If during recess everyone is in groups or in pairs, and you are alone?
This is not happiness at all. It's even simple MISFORTUNE. And something needs to be done about this.
LET'S THINK: WHY DO THEY NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOME CHILDREN? SOMETIMES IT'S IMMEDIATELY CLEAR.
Nobody wants to be friends with
- SNEAKS
- GREEDY
- VICIOUS
- FOREVER DISSATISFIED Whiners
- IT'S ALSO NOT VERY MUCH WITH HARMS
- AND WITH DIRTIES
- AND WITH IMAGINATIONS
But what if you honestly thought to yourself and came to the conclusion that youcomplaining to adults unless absolutely necessary, NOT you get greedy when you have something tasty or interesting, and others want it too,you get angry and swear over trifles,you whine about every scratch,you're afraid of everything in the world,you constantly offend and criticize everyone around you,you always walk around dirty and with a snotty nose,you consider yourself the smartest.
If all this is not about you, but you still have a bad time with your friends, perhaps you are making one of four mistakes. Here they are.
ERROR ONE
THINK THAT THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE.
We already talked about this when we found out why some people are teased. One has only to start thinking: “No one is friends with me because I’m a bad student,” or “because I’m not athletic,” or “because I don’t have expensive things,” and all is lost.
It's like writing directly on your forehead: YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH ME... THERE ARE GOOD REASONS.
And then be surprised that there are no friends...
IN FACT They are friends with a person not because he is some kind of exemplary person (sports, witty, fashionable, handsome). And not because he has any of the things. If this were so, then everyone would want to be friends only with a few, rare, best ones, but we see that almost everyone has friends.
THE UNATHLETIC, THE STRONG-MINDED, THE LOOP-EARED, THE POOR, THE D-Students - EVERYONE HAS FRIENDS, AND WHAT ELSE! THE MOST FAITHFUL, THE MOST FUN.
And vice versa, all the “stars” often don’t have close friends. Maybe they are pushed aside by those who are only pretending to be friends. Or maybe the “stars” themselves are forgetting how to be friends and no longer trust anyone.
Therefore, if you are not a “star”, but an ordinary person, and even with shortcomings, this is GOOD NEWS . After all, most people are like you in this regard. And it’s easier to make friends with people who are similar!
MISTAKE TWO:
DON'T EVEN TRY.
Some children who find it difficult to make friends with their peers decide to stop communicating with kids altogether. They sit at the computer all day.
And what - the computer is a very convenient playmate. He won’t go anywhere, does everything you tell him to, is always ready to entertain you, doesn’t argue or get offended. You can chat in chat rooms where no one sees or knows you and therefore is not so scary. Great! And there is no problem.
IN FACT This is not a solution at all. Imagine that you are unable to solve problems on a new topic. And you came up with an idea: and I won’t solve them, since they are so difficult! I’d rather solve the simpler ones from the first grade textbook. A good way out?
Of course, you can solve simple problems. And then what?
How to write a test?
How to end the quarter?
It turns out you just wasted your time. The longer you take to solve simple problems and put aside more complex ones, the more difficult it will be to catch up later.
It would be better to try and still cope with difficult tasks the very first time.
It's the same with communication. The more time you spend with a computer instead of real people, the more difficult it will be for you to learn what you are bad at: making acquaintances, making friends, communicating. Every year it becomes more difficult. Why run it like that? Isn't it better to be determined right now, gather your strength - and learn to communicate? LET'S!
ERROR THREE:
TRYING TOO TOO MUCH.
You really want to be friends with you. You think about it constantly. You are ready to do anything to be accepted into the company. You try to talk, dress, behave, think like those guys whose friendship you dream of.
You are always nearby, you offer help, you are ready to give away any of your things, spend all your money to treat everyone, you are very worried about what they said about you and how they looked at you.
As soon as someone exchanges a few words with you, you already call him “my friend.” You do everything you can to make friends!
IN FACT If you are so inclined, then they will not accept you as a friend. At best, they will be allowed to be an “errand boy” or “a girl who always walks with us” in the company. And at any moment they can drive you away or offend you. You won’t like this kind of “friendship,” keep that in mind. Friendship is a relationship of equals. It cannot be begged or curried.
And it’s impossible to buy by treating everyone to McDonald’s. Calm down. Your friendship will never leave you. Some people find their closest friends in kindergarten, while others only find them in college. This will definitely happen to you, if not now, then tomorrow, if not tomorrow, then in a year. Harry Potter didn't have any friends until he was 11 years old, before he entered Hogwarts. It wasn't easy for him, but he didn't suck up to his cousin's friends or try to be like them.
But then he found friends, and wonderful ones! Be ready for friendship, but don't force yourself. Don't try to be like anyone else, for your sake REAL your friend will be interested in you exactly as you are.
ERROR FOUR:
“LET EVERYTHING BE AS I WANT!”
Some children fail with friendships because they do not know how to communicate as equals. They give orders all the time. They offer to play only what interests them. They want it to always be the way they imagined it. So that friends always want the same thing that they do. To listen to everything they say. They always laughed when they joked.
And one more thing - to always win in all games. And if they are not allowed to command, then they get offended and quarrel or leave. And it seems to them that no one understands them, and does not want to be friends with them, and they are simply unlucky to have such classmates or neighbors - stupid, boring and disgusting.
IN FACT, friendship, as we have already said, is a relationship of equals. Friendship is when everyone feels good, not just one.
You want to be heard, and so do others.
You love to play interesting roles - and so do others.
It seems to you that you came up with a great idea - and so do others. Make sure you don't command.
Listen to what other guys have to offer, it might be interesting.
Learn not to get angry because of losses - after all, this is not a world championship, but just a game with friends!
Now think carefully about whether you are making one of these mistakes. Usually, it’s worth correcting them, and you’ll already have more friends.
HERE ARE A FEW MORE TIPS THAT MAY HELP:
You can make contact with strangers by treating them to something tasty - candy or chewing gum. Or take a ball, soap bubbles, or colored chalk out into the yard. Bring small souvenirs from where you vacationed with your parents.
BUT REMEMBER: This is just to get to know each other better.
There is no need to buy friendship with sweets and gifts!
Tell us about yourself, your hobbies.
How will your friend find you if no one knows anything about you? From time to time, bring something from your collection to school, or an interesting book, or photographs from classes in the sports section, or maybe a portrait of your favorite cat.
Among the guys there will definitely be someone with similar interests.
If you are being teased or bullied, deal with it first. Perhaps some of the good guys could make friends with you, they just won’t get through the ring of offenders.
But not everyone will dare to go against everyone. Once they leave you alone, it will be easier to make friends.
If you like one of the guys, but you don’t know how to start a conversation, ask him about something that he is good at and is passionate about. Or say something good, praise. Just don’t suck up (remember the third mistake!) - say what you really liked.
When the first contact is made, support it. Remember the name of your new acquaintance, ask him what he is interested in, where he lives, what he likes to play. Offer to exchange phone numbers.
Don’t be shy to show that you are interested in the person, but don’t be intrusive. And don't be upset if it doesn't work out. This means this is not your real friend yet.
If you are reminded of school only by notifications coming from the Odnoklassniki website, you are lucky. If you are reminded of school by parent-teacher meetings at which money is collected to repair a peeling labor teacher, you are a father. Therefore, dad, read, full of advice on overcoming the 7 most common difficulties that any schoolchild may encounter. We will supply you with them all week.
The epoch-making day has come when your child goes to school. You breathe a sigh of relief: finally you will have time to finish writing a novel, completing a symphony and completing a model of the Eiffel Tower from meatballs. But then it turns out that you relaxed too early. It turns out that the classroom desk is not the most peaceful place and unforeseen difficulties have appeared in the life of your heir. As a caring father, you simply do not have the right to remain on the sidelines. Otherwise, who, besides you, will make every effort to get the child’s mother to deal with these suddenly arising problems? We asked our permanent consultant to improve your pedagogical competence - Leading psychologist of the family center “We”, Ph.D. Tatyana Sviridova.
Don't be offended, but first Tatyana asked to clarify: did your child have friends in kindergarten or in the yard? Were? Very well! This is the main thing. This means that his social behavior skills are fine. Therefore, let's look at the external reasons for the absence of school friends.
“Children of primary school age, from 1st to 3rd grade, form friends according to a situational principle. You live in the same house with me, you walk from school the same way, your parents know each other - any of these reasons is enough to call you my friend,” Tatyana explains the habits of the young people.
Analyze specific circumstances. Perhaps, to normalize the situation, you and your mother simply need to pick up your child from school a little later than usual, thereby giving him the opportunity to hang out with his classmates after school. Or the application of your strength should be more targeted: for example, you can stop more often to chat with one of the parents, allowing the kids, willy-nilly, to get to know each other better while the adults are busy talking. In extreme cases (and at the same time the most effective) it is perfect for unity a child’s birthday or any contrived holiday to which classmates will be invited. At an early age, such invitations from a semi-familiar peer are perceived absolutely naturally. Pay attention to the following: the teacher has a strong influence on the formation of opinions in children of primary school age. (For example, if a teacher smokes Dunhill, the whole class will also smoke only this brand.) Ask your child how their teacher builds relationships with children. It is possible that he divides the class into “lagging behind” and “progressing” (or on some other segregation basis), and your child falls into the category of outcasts with whom “good” children should not be friends. Your next steps: have a serious conversation with the teacher, like a man with a teacher. She will then be required to publicly announce to the children that your child is good and that you can and should be friends with him.
Now let's fast forward to the 5th and 6th grades. This age is fraught with so-called mobbing. This is a situation where children rally and “befriend” against one person. The fault here always lies with the class, and not with the pariah child. No matter what the victim does, she cannot regain her authority. The weakling will remain a target for ridicule, even if he can do more pull-ups on the horizontal bar than his classmates; the excellent student will continue to be laughed at, even if he deliberately smokes and grabs pairs. Mobbing is typical for schools, where adults do not pester students for anything other than lessons and behavior is allowed to take its course. Children feel pleasure from rallying against someone, it makes them feel that they are better. This is a feature of the psychology of “immature” groups. (By the way, “developed” groups are divided into separate warring groups, which from a psychological point of view is a healthier phenomenon.)
Now, with the disappearance of classroom hours, pioneers, waste paper collections and other school wood embroidery clubs, mobbing has become a noticeable problem. Unfortunately, you alone cannot cope with him. You should sound the alarm in the parent committee so that a professional psychologist can work with the class and teach this gang not to assert themselves at the expense of someone, but to get along as a group in which there is a place for everyone.
“It doesn’t matter that the mobbing is not against your child, but against someone else in his class,” our consultant emphasizes.
Intervene. Otherwise, everything may end in an emergency that will force the NTV brigade, salivating, to rush towards your school. But in high school, your child’s lack of friends should not worry you. You don’t communicate with people you don’t like (well, not counting your neighbor in the stairwell, whose every heresy you are forced to assent to, if only he would leave you alone and let you smoke in peace). Now your crazy person is already ripe for such informed decisions.
“For high school students, the problem of “being friends or not being friends” is of a worldview nature,” says Mrs. Sviridova. -You shouldn’t worry about your child’s loneliness. You must respect his choice."
In the next part, our expert will tell you...
Chapter 6:
WHAT TO DO IF NO ONE IS FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Having friends is happiness. And if not? If you recently moved and moved to a new school? Or didn’t switch, but everything is pretty bad in the old one? If during recess everyone is in groups and pairs, and you are alone?
This is not happiness at all. And something needs to be done about this.
LET'S THINK: WHY DO THEY NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOME CHILDREN?
SOMETIMES IT'S IMMEDIATELY CLEAR.
Nobody wants to be friends with:
SNEAKS,
GREEDY,
VICTORIES,
Eternally dissatisfied whiners,
IT'S ALSO NOT VERY MUCH WITH HARMS.
AND WITH THE DIRTIES,
AND WITH IMAGINATIONS.
But what if you honestly thought to yourself and came to the conclusion that you
You complain to adults unless absolutely necessary,
You get greedy when you have something tasty or interesting, and others want it too,
You get angry and swear over trifles,
You whine about every scratch,
You're afraid of everything in the world
You constantly offend and criticize everyone around you,
You always walk around dirty, with a snotty nose,
You consider yourself the smartest.
If all this is not about you, but you still have a bad time with your friends, perhaps you are making one of four mistakes. Here they are.
Error one:
THINK THAT THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE.
One has only to start thinking: “No one is friends with me because I’m a bad student,” or “because I’m not athletic,” or “because I don’t have expensive things,” and all is lost.
It's like writing directly on your forehead:
“You CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH ME, THERE ARE GOOD REASONS!”, -
And then be surprised.
IN FACT
They are friends with a person not because he is some kind of exemplary person (sports, witty, fashionable, handsome). And not because he has any of the things. If this were so, then everyone would want to be friends only with the best, but we see that everyone has friends.
THE NON-ATHLETIC, THE STRONG-THOUGHT, THE LOOP-EARED, THE POOR, THE D-Students - EVERYONE HAS FRIENDS, AND WHAT ELSE! THE MOST FAITHFUL, THE MOST FUN!
And vice versa, all the “stars” often don’t have close friends. Maybe they are being “pushed aside” by those who are only pretending to be friends. Or maybe the “stars” themselves are forgetting how to be friends.
Therefore, if you are not a “star”, but an ordinary person with shortcomings, this GOOD NEWS! Most people are like you, and it’s easier to make friends with people who are similar!
Error two:
DON'T EVEN TRY.
Some children who find it difficult to make friends decide to stop communicating altogether. They sit at the computer all day.
And what - the computer is a very convenient friend. He won’t go anywhere, he’s always ready to entertain you, he doesn’t argue or get offended. You can chat in chat rooms where no one sees or knows you, and therefore it’s not so scary. Great!
IN FACT
This is not a solution at all. Imagine that you are unable to solve problems on a new topic. And you came up with the idea: I won’t solve them if they are so difficult! I’d rather solve the simpler ones from the first grade textbook. A good way out?
You solve simple problems, but then what? How to write a test? How to finish the quarter and study further in general?
It turns out you just wasted your time. The longer you take to complete simple tasks and put off complex ones, the more difficult it will be to catch up later.
It's the same with communication. The more time you spend with a computer instead of ordinary people, the more difficult it will be for you to learn what you are bad at: making acquaintances, making friends, communicating. Every year it becomes more difficult. Why run it like that? It’s better to be determined right now - and learn to communicate!
Error three:
TRYING TOO TOO MUCH.
You really want to be friends with you. You think about it constantly. You are ready to do anything to be accepted into the company. You try to talk, dress, behave, think like those guys whose friendship you dream of. You are always nearby, you offer help, you are ready to give away any of your things, spend all your money to treat everyone, you are very worried about what they said about you and how they looked at you.
As soon as someone exchanges a few words with you, you already call him “my friend.”
IN FACT
If you are so inclined, then they will not accept you as a friend. At best, they will be allowed to be an “errand boy” or “a girl who always walks with us.” And at any moment you can be driven away or offended. You won't like this kind of "friendship". Friendship is a relationship of equals. It cannot be begged or curried. And it's impossible to buy.
Calm down. Your friendship will not leave you. Some people find their closest friends in kindergarten, while others only find them in college. This will definitely happen to you, if not now, then tomorrow, or in a year. Harry Potter didn't have any friends until he was 11 years old, before he entered Hogwarts. It wasn't easy for him, but he didn't suck up to his cousin's friends.
Be ready for friendship, but don't force yourself. Don't try to be like anyone else REAL your friend will be interested in you exactly as you are.
Error four:
“LET EVERYTHING BE THE WAY I WANT!”
Some children do not know how to communicate as equals and are in charge all the time. They offer to play only what interests them. They want everything to be the way they imagined it. So that friends always listen to what they say. They always laughed when they joked. And one more thing - they just want to win in all games.
And if they are not allowed to command, then they get offended, quarrel and leave. It seems to them that they are unlucky and have such classmates or neighbors - stupid, boring and disgusting.
IN FACT
Friendship, as we have already said, is a relationship of equals. You want to be heard - and others too. It seems to you that you came up with a great idea - and so do others.
Make sure you don't command. Listen to what other guys have to offer, it might be interesting. Learn not to get angry because of a loss - after all, this is not a world championship, but just a game with friends!
Once you correct one of these four mistakes, you will already have more friends.
HERE ARE A FEW MORE TIPS THAT MAY HELP:
You can make contact with strangers by treating them to something tasty - candy or chewing gum. Or take a ball, soap bubbles, or colored chalk out into the yard.
Bring small souvenirs from where you vacationed with your parents.
BUT REMEMBER: This is just to get to know each other better. There is no need to buy friendship with gifts!
If you are being teased or bullied, deal with it first. Perhaps one of the good guys could make friends with you, they just can’t push their way through the ring of offenders (what to do if they tease you at school).
If you like one of the guys, but you don’t know how to start a conversation, ask him about something that he is good at and is passionate about. Or say something good, praise. Just don’t suck up - say what you really liked.
When the first contact is made, support it. Remember the name of your new friend, ask him what his hobbies are, where he lives, what he likes to play. Offer to exchange phone numbers.
Age: 6-10 years,
Publishing house "World of Encyclopedias Avanta+", "Publishing House Astrel", "Polygraphizdat".
Published in abbreviation.
Among the guys there will definitely be someone with similar interests.
If you are being teased or bullied, deal with it first. Perhaps some of the good guys could make friends with you, they just won’t get through the ring of offenders.
But not everyone will dare to go against everyone. Once they leave you alone, it will be easier to make friends.
If you like one of the guys, but you don’t know how to start a conversation, ask him about something that he is good at and is passionate about. Or say something good, praise. Just don’t suck up (remember the third mistake!) - say what you really liked.
When the first contact is made, support it. Remember the name of your new acquaintance, ask him what he is interested in, where he lives, what he likes to play. Offer to exchange phone numbers.
Don’t be shy to show that you are interested in the person, but don’t be intrusive. And don't be upset if it doesn't work out. This means this is not your real friend yet.
Meeting ahead!
WHAT TO DO, IF...
YOU ARE STRONGLY OFFENSED
First you need to understand: what does “strong” mean?
If someone yanks you, pushes you, or drops your things without really hurting you or breaking anything, that's one thing. In general, boys sometimes behave this way with girls they like - they pull their pigtails. Well, they just don’t know how else to attract attention to themselves.
FOR THESE CASES, EVERYTHING THAT WAS TALKED ABOUT IN THE CHAPTER “WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE TEASED BY GUYS” IS SUITABLE.
Keep calm. Don't be offended, don't get angry, don't complain, don't try to fight back.
May I ask:
"I'm stopping you? Should I let you pass?”, or “Do you like my braid? Then touch it carefully,” or “Are you just bumping into me all the time, or at everyone?”
Or just don’t pay attention, and everyone will quickly get tired of it.
DOESN'T HE LIKE MY TAIL? OR MY EARS?...
YOU WERE REALLY HURTED
YOUR THING WAS INTENTIONALLY BROKEN,
SPOILED CLOTHES,
THEY TOOK THE MONEY
ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE BEEN HURTED, THIS IS NOT JUST STUPIDITY.
It's called "VIOLENCE" and it's
Perhaps it didn't happen on purpose. Someone was going to push quietly, but it turned out hard, and now he himself is not happy. Seeing that you are hurt, he will apologize and is unlikely to do anything similar in the future. Then this can stay between you.
If you see that you were hurt intentionally and the offender does not regret what he did and does not ask to forgive him, then it’s time to TURN TO AN ADULT. It is best to do this as quickly as possible and in the presence of the offender. Don't shout, don't blame, and don't speak in a complaining voice. Say as calmly as possible:
“I DON’T LIKE COMPLAINING, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO DEFEND MYSELF.
WHAT HE IS DOING IS NO LONGER A GAME. IS IT DANGEROUS.
I NEED YOUR HELP".
After that, briefly say what exactly the offender did. If an adult reprimands or punishes him, never gloat or show triumph. But don’t make excuses if they call you a sneak.
“I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ADULTS.
BUT YOU DID NOT STOP
AND THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY OUT. I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT.”
Do they still call you names?
YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BEHAVIOR YOURSELF - SEE THE CHAPTER “WHAT TO DO IF GUYS TEASE YOU.”
A special case is if you are constantly beaten or if older guys offend you.
BE SURE TO TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS!
Sometimes children are afraid that mom will be upset, and dad will laugh and call him a brat. And, in general, they think that parents are ashamed to complain and should deal with it themselves. Nobody suggests running to them over every little thing.
If you can, of course, do it yourself. But constant violence or arrogant adult hooligans are not a trifle! At any moment, offenders can go into a rage and cause you serious injury. It happens that children end up in the hospital and then undergo treatment for a very long time. Then mom will be really upset, and dad won’t be able to laugh for a long time.
DON'T ALLOW THIS!
It happens that hooligans intimidate and say: “If you tell anyone, we’ll kill you!”
Those who abuse the weaker are usually cowards themselves. Therefore, it will be enough for your parents or teacher to have a serious conversation with them once, and they will begin to avoid you. If adults decide that one conversation is not enough, they will contact the police.
And the best way to avoid getting into such a situation is to have good friends and always go with them. Hooligans usually pick on single people.
Don't have such friends?
READ THE CHAPTER “WHAT TO DO IF NO ONE IS FRIENDS WITH YOU.”
It can be very difficult if an adult offends you. For example, a teacher or coach. He didn’t like you specifically, or maybe he’s just a rude and angry person who offends other guys too.
Or maybe someone thought you were doing something bad. For example, the cashier at the store suddenly decided that you wanted to steal a chocolate bar. Or an angry neighbor thought that it was you who broke his window with a ball yesterday. Maybe you really did something wrong.
Anything can happen.
BUT REMEMBER: NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO YOU
"I'M SCARED WHEN YOU SCREAM"
“IT HURTS WHEN YOU HOLD MY HAND LIKE THIS”
“I’M OFFENSE WHEN YOU SAY THAT.”
Perhaps the adult is too angry or afraid for you and does not understand what he is doing. Then your words will calm him down and help him pull himself together.
If this does not help and the adult continues to hurt you, insult you or yell at you, you should not tolerate it. Don't protest, don't threaten, don't say, “You have no right,” “Stop it now,” or “I'll tell mom.” This might only make him even more angry. It is better not to talk to a person in strong anger at all.
The best thing to do is, as soon as the opportunity arises, JUST LEAVE.
Leave quickly and decisively, don’t try to take your things, you’ll take them later. But don't run, otherwise you will be considered guilty. Just go to any place where there are other people: in the school hallway, in the foyer of a store or gym, in the teacher's lounge.
Family psychologist and author of books for parents Lyudmila Petranovskaya dedicated her book “What to do if ...” to the rules of child behavior in difficult situations. Today we present the writer’s advice to those who lack friendly communication.
WHO ARE THEY NOT FRIENDS WITH? Nobody wants to be friends with sneaks, greedy people, spiteful people, constantly dissatisfied whiners, and somehow not very good with bullies, and with dirty people, and with proud people.
If it's not all about you, but it still doesn't matter with your friends, you may be making one of four mistakes.
MISTAKE ONE: Thinking that this is how it should be. All you have to do is start thinking: “No one is friends with me because I’m a bad student,” or “... because I’m not athletic,” or “... because I don’t have expensive things” - and all is lost.
In fact, they are friends with a person not because he is some kind of exemplary person (sports, witty, fashionable, handsome). And not because he has some things. If this were so, then everyone would want to be friends only with the lucky few, but we see that almost everyone has friends.
MISTAKE TWO: not even trying. Some children who find it difficult to make friends with peers decide to stop communicating with them altogether. They sit at the computer all day.
In fact, the more time you spend with a computer instead of real people, the more difficult it will be for you to learn what you are bad at: making acquaintances, making friends, communicating. Every year it will become more and more difficult. Why run it like that? Isn’t it better to be determined right now, gather your strength, and learn to communicate?
MISTAKE THREE: Trying too hard. You really want to be friends with you. You think about it constantly. You are ready to do anything to be accepted into the company. You try to talk, dress, behave, think like those children whose friendship you dream of.
In fact, if you are so inclined, then they will not accept you as a friend. At best, they will allow you to be in the company of an “errand boy” or “a girl who constantly walks with us.” And at any moment they can drive you away or offend you. You won’t like this kind of “friendship,” keep that in mind. Friendship is a relationship of equals. It cannot be begged or curried. Calm down. Your friendship will never leave you. Some people find their closest friends in kindergarten, while others only find them in college. This will definitely happen to you, if not now, then tomorrow, not tomorrow, then in a year. Harry Potter had no friends until he was 11 years old, before entering Hogwarts.
MISTAKE FOUR: “Let everything be the way I want!” Some children fail to make friends because they do not know how to communicate as equals. They give orders all the time. They offer to play only what interests them. They want it to always be the way they imagined it. So that friends always want what they want. And one more thing - to always win in all games. And if they are not allowed to command, then they get offended and quarrel or leave. And it seems to them that no one understands them, and no one wants to be friends with them, and they are simply unlucky to have such classmates or neighbors - fools, boring and unpleasant.
In fact, friendship, as we have already said, is a relationship of equals. Friendship is when everyone feels good, not just one. You want to be heard - and others too. You love to play interesting roles - and so do others. You think you have a great idea, and so do others. Make sure you don't command. Listen to what other children have to offer, it might be interesting. Learn not to get angry because of defeat - after all, this is not a world championship, but just a game with friends! Now think carefully about whether you are making one of these mistakes.