Good relationships in the work team are the most important thing. It happens that one person ruins the lives of others, it happens that a department splits into several parts. You never know the options for developing relationships between employees! Some by the way.
But there is one type - by the way, very common - that you want to avoid at all costs. Remember the movie "The Most Charming and Attractive"? When does Irina Muravyova’s heroine Nadya Klyueva begin to charm her colleague Volodka Smirnov, whose role was superbly played by Alexander Abdulov? Pies, compliments, and arranged business trips come into play. Perhaps the sophisticated ladies' man Volodka is no stranger to courtship, so he feels quite comfortable. But in the life of less experienced people, the sudden onset of a candy-bouquet period from a colleague is a difficult ordeal.
One day, my, let’s say, very young employee suddenly began to like me. When exactly he crossed that easy line between just good friendships and outright flirting, I still don’t understand. It all started out in the name of health - in some places he helped with work, in others he gave me a coat. But it ended, as they say, for peace - vulgar messages poured into my mail - the ones that are usually used by not very experienced young people. In the kitchen, this guy tried to hug me affectionately, started calling me “bunny,” and on March 8th he brought me a huge bouquet (you can imagine the reaction of other female colleagues who did not receive bouquets). This went on for three months. From time to time I laughed it off, sometimes in front of him I began to tell him how wonderfully I spent the weekend with my husband, but he did not react in any way and did not change his mood. He embarrassed me incredibly, but I also didn’t dare tell him to fuck off, I was afraid of offending him.
The story ended as smoothly as it began. As a result, our heroine nevertheless turned on the “ignore” mode. When the next bouquet appeared, she said to the whole office: “Girls, look at the flowers they gave us,” and placed the vase in the center of the room. She stopped responding to non-work messages and put on her coat exclusively on her own. The love of young men always needs nourishment, but here the admirer faced an obvious fiasco. I fell behind after a few weeks myself.
Prevention of love
According to business psychologist Alexander Afanasyev, most likely, the initiator of the suddenly flared up interest is a woman. “There is no smoke without fire, which means somewhere you gave him a reason and, most likely, more than one. The natural desire of women to always please others often crosses the line when a man already has the impression of her availability, or even understands her behavior is a desire to seduce. There are a lot of examples: short skirts, a deep neckline, a tight dress, translucent blouses, loose hair, the scent of perfume...", says Alexander Afanasyev.
And the best prevention of unplanned falling in love is a strict dress code, which applies not only to appearance, but also to the behavior of ladies in the work team. In particular, you should give up loose hair, bright makeup and languid looks. You can read more about this in Alexander Afanasyev.
Well, if everything has already happened, and now you have to share an office with a colleague in love, the advice will be different:
Avoid vulgarity, cut off dirty jokes and anecdotes. If the conversation becomes ambiguous, calmly explain that you are not interested, everything is fine in your personal life, thank you for your attention. If the mise-en-scène threatens to become intimate (you allowed this to happen - it’s your fault!), try to turn everything into a joke. Laughter disarms, advises Alexander.
There is also no need to talk about personal matters; refuse invitations to lunches and dinners not related to work. If you are interested in a colleague who is older in age, try on occasion to ask his opinion about choosing a life partner - even suggest candidates. Younger ones.
Intimate talk
Ultimately, you will probably have to openly explain yourself. To do this, the expert is sure, you need to choose the right moment. There is no need to burst into the office to express everything you think about him. This is fraught with an inadequate reaction. It is best to start a conversation when he begins to show signs of his attention, tell him: “Ivan Ivanovich, this attitude towards myself hurts me. I ask you to address me more correctly. I do not want to maintain any relationship with you other than work. I treat you with respect, I value your work, but I respect and value myself even more. I count on your understanding.”
Heart to heart conversation – 2
Alexander's colleague Anna Mukhina (psychologist, head of the career counseling department of the Center for Testing and Development "Humanitarian Technologies") believes that conversation is the last measure of influence.
Don’t forget that you will have to work with this person later. Conversation is the last resort: when a person does not understand to such an extent that nothing will work out for you, that there is nothing else left. However, sometimes the lover himself provokes the beginning of this conversation. But starting a conversation artificially, trying to figure it out right away - this will not lead to any good, you can say too much unnecessary things.
Anna Mukhina draws attention to the fact that it is important to convey: the person is good, and you are refusing him solely for your own reasons: the time is not right, you have a stamp in your passport, something else...
If a conversation is unavoidable, speak in a neutral environment. Under no circumstances in front of witnesses. And, of course, you don’t need to invite a person to visit for this - this will be perceived unambiguously. The conversation should be extremely polite, without a single reproach. Only a broadcast of the position: “I value you as a friend (colleague), but nothing more can happen between us. If it is possible for you to maintain friendly (business) relations, I will be very glad. But if this is difficult for you, let’s establish a comfortable distance, which we will keep."
There is no need for details, excursions into the past and examples from the lives of friends, the expert recommends. - Like any conversation that carries negative information, it should begin and end the same way - with a positive: tell them that you are pleased with the attention, you can even thank the person for their good attitude. Then tell about your reasons (married, etc.). And in the end - again about something good.
Lovers' Revenge
Sometimes a colleague’s love can turn into the other side of the coin – hatred.
A person in love thinks like this: “If I am active, if I show how good I am, then everything will change, they will love me.” And when a person has invested so much, but has received nothing in return, this will inevitably lead to a break in the relationship. This applies to both men and women. Moreover, rejected women sometimes take revenge very cruelly! – Anna Mukhina warns.
What to do to keep relationships constructive and communicate at work and beyond? There is no need to “broadcast” to a person that he is a nobody, call him nothing and he cannot be interesting in any way. This is exactly how Volodka Smirnov behaved: Nadya was not a woman for him. This is offensive behavior. In the case of an in-love boss, by the way, things may even lead to dismissal.
There is no smoke without fire
Both experts agree on one thing one hundred percent. In some cases, the object of love is himself to blame for the development of the situation.
There was a case in Anna Mukhina’s practice. The young man fell in love with his boss, who was old enough to be his mother. He invited her to exhibitions and dinners, and from time to time she agreed - so as not to offend a good man. Due to his profession, the specialist was able to communicate with both participants in this relationship. And it turned out that deep down the boss was happy with this arrangement - the young man’s attention flattered her and made her feel good.
So before you think about how to get rid of your boyfriend, answer your question honestly: you definitely don’t like it and don’t need it? Are you sure you're not adding fuel to the fire yourself? – Recommended by Anna Mukhina.
A feeling that is difficult to control. It can appear suddenly, at first sight.
Sometimes a person needs time. Often men are interested in the question: how to make a woman fall in love with you, Is it really possible to do this?
They say that you can’t force yourself to be nice, but the stories of many families have proven that if you try, you can make someone like you.
What to do if you fall in love with a teacher? Find out about this from ours.
Is it possible to make an older lady fall in love with you?
In our youth we fall in love easily.
And girls want romance, this is accompanied by hormonal surges and natural needs to create a couple.
With age it becomes it's harder to gain trust, feelings. Wise from experience, people are difficult to succumb to emotions.
Difficult relationships and broken marriages are often an obstacle to falling in love again. A strong, sincere man is able to win a lady, but it will take time, effort and her desire to open up.
Often a woman decides for herself what to do and begins to control her feelings. This is based on the fear of failure in relationships, the likelihood of again running into toxic connections that cause suffering.
To make her fall in love with you, you will have to try to inspire trust, awaken the hidden needs in the depths of your soul to be desired and give yourself to your partner, without fear of further disappointments.
In relation to a woman, the actions of a man sincerity is important. Hidden techniques of influencing the subconscious can cause the desired effect, but the feelings will remain as long as the partner himself supports them.
To arouse true love, you will need reciprocity, the ability to be open and honest with yourself and the lady.
How to win a woman's love? Psychologist's advice:
What psychological techniques are used?
To make a woman fall in love with you, It's not enough just to want.
You will have to make an effort, and sometimes ingenuity.
A woman chooses a man in whom she feels strength, confidence, and protection. The natural desire is to create a couple, a family with someone who will be a support.
Words must be supported by actions. If you only promise, but do not deliver, if there is more self-praise in your phrases, then the lady will sooner or later come to disappointment.
A real man who is worth attention is strong, self-sufficient, attentive and ready not only to talk, but also to do.
How to make her fall in love with you? An easy way to arouse the interest of any woman:
What is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.
Relationship specialists, trainers and coaches have long studied the most successful techniques to evoke sympathy.
You should focus on age, the dating situation, the character of the lady herself, her needs and motives for communicating with a man.
For men
How to make an older woman fall in love with you? As we remember, an adult lady is almost I've probably been disappointed in love.
Before her eyes she has examples of her friends, her mother, and other women. Complexes and fears of making another mistake may be added here.
These points are important to consider when trying to gain her sympathy.
The ability to fall in love in a short time depends on the character of the person.
Some people jump into relationships right away, others take time. If a woman belongs to the second type, don't rush her.
Colleagues
How to make a colleague fall in love with you? Romances at work, falling in love with a colleague - common phenomenon. Nevertheless, many ladies are afraid to make such connections, so as not to harm their careers.
The fears here are not in vain, because nothing goes unnoticed in the team. Often you have to sacrifice your position and choose between a workplace and a man.
What to do, if you still decide to make a colleague fall in love with you:
When planning to start an office romance, try to make sure that do not damage your reputation ladies.
Otherwise, it will turn her away from you forever.
How to make a married woman fall in love with you?
If you forget about the ethical side of the issue, you can make a married woman fall in love with you. You have to remember what you have main competitor is her husband.
To make a married lady fall in love with you, you need to make her feel that you are better than her husband in many respects.
How to proceed:
It's easier to make someone else's wife fall in love with you if she
Hello, dear readers! It turns out that the times have not passed when you had to be embarrassed that a woman liked a young man. It seems that there should be no danger in sitting down with a man in company on the same sofa and chatting the whole evening or giving him more than one dance. And yet, flirting can be punishable even in the 21st century.
Gossip, intrigue, condemnation of older women and even expulsion for inappropriate behavior - all this is real even now when it comes to office romances. In offices, people often live like they live in villages and try to adhere to the secular rules of 1912.
But if you fall in love with a work colleague, what should you do? Surely you have heard about cases when such relationships ended in success, and you absolutely don’t want to sacrifice your own happiness in order to avoid the gossip of the aunts from the accounting department.
Today I will tell you how to behave if you find yourself in this situation. It can also be aggravated by the fact that you In this case, first of all, I would advise you to read my article, the situations are somewhat similar and first of all you need to think about the moment with the wife of the man you like, and only after that about the fact that he works together with you.
Weigh everything first
Between feelings and career, many girls choose the former without hesitation. That's how women are made. If we really want something, then we achieve it at any cost, and only then deal with the consequences. Men in this case, as a rule, are more thoughtful, but they have more than once put everything on the line for the sake of love. I can offer you Henry Haggart's book Cleopatra, if you doubt this judgment.
It is likely that the man you have chosen has his own principles, for example, not to have relationships at work, and that is the only reason he does not want to give you hope and respond to your sympathy. You will not be able to overcome and rebuild his worldview no matter how hard you try. This will only make the situation worse and will definitely affect the work environment.
All you need to do is signal to the young man that you like him. He will do the rest himself. All you have to do is respond to his actions. And do not believe those who say that men are not capable of anything, do not understand anything and will not do anything. They are not active only if the woman does not evoke emotions in them. I'm sure this won't happen to you.
That's all for me, see you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.
Dear brodud’s, I sincerely congratulate my favorite online magazine and all those wonderful people who work there, Happy New Year. Prosperity to you, happiness to you, your family and friends, thank you for being you. I’ve only been reading you for over a year and have already discovered a lot of new things.
Before I ask the question, I’ll tell you a little about myself:
I am 26 years old, married, no children yet (since I got married recently). During my short career, I rose to the level of Director of the Warehouse and Logistics Department in one rather large company (unfortunately, I cannot say). Don’t think, I don’t have any relatives in this company, I’m, let’s say, self-made.
Well, now, actually, the question itself:
The fact is that I fell in love with my colleague. She is 26 years old, just like me. In addition to her amazing appearance and figure, the girl completely suits me mentally. We like the same films, we listen to the same music. We have the same life position. She, like me, is actively involved in sports (though she does pole dancing, I do Russian hand-to-hand combat), we are both atheists, and we both develop ourselves as best we can (reading, learning languages, etc.). Among other things, we both have far-reaching plans, we are both careerists. We only have lunch together, since we are not interested in being with others. We can chat for hours without getting tired. During this time, I realized that she was not indifferent to me either, because she danced only with me, did not leave my side for a minute, showed care as best she could, and so on. I even walked her out, after which I politely refused her offer to come in for a “cup of coffee.” I remember that my wife is waiting for me at home, and therefore I don’t go beyond the limits. At the same time, my wife is a typical girl, of which there are many. She got married, and now the main goal of her life is to have a child and buy herself a car. Agree, very down to earth. Plus, I began to notice that we were moving away from each other. We have nothing to talk about, we don’t even spend leisure time together.
In general, I'm confused, I don't know what to do. I can’t leave my wife, I love her, and at the same time I’m in love with my colleague. I understand now what Comrade Zhukov felt. But he occupied such a position that he could have as many women as he wanted and even advertise it. And I, unfortunately, am an ordinary guy who is confused.
Answer
Well, you're in trouble, my friend. It’s good that you contacted us, but we’ll warn you right away - such important issues should always be resolved independently. We don't know all the details, despite your detailed story. We also cannot feel what you feel for these two women. So let’s use our rationality and knowledge, and then make your own decision - it’s always the best, even if it’s wrong.
Let's start our answer with the fact that you succumbed to temptation, about which so many books have been written: both sacred and entertaining, that it is no longer funny. Let's admit it to each other: we often look towards other friends, even if we are completely satisfied with our own. Such stories often end very badly, but reverse, happier endings also happen. It's true that other girls may seem more interesting, prettier, smarter, better. You have to be obsessed and crazy not to see other women and their dignity. But if you are not crazy, then girls from the outside will always have a certain mysterious attraction that disappears as soon as you enter into a more serious relationship with them - you get to know them not only spiritually, but also physically. The most disgusting thing is that such falling in love (betrayal on a spiritual level, from which you cannot escape) is typical even if you sincerely love your girlfriend. She is not to blame for this, but it seems to us that you are too carried away by another person and do not notice the glitch in your arguments.
For example, you say: “My wife is a typical girl, there are many of them. She got married, and now the main goal of her life is to have a child and buy herself a car. Agree, very down to earth.” Okay, we'll believe you, but where the hell have you been? You are also a full member of this marriage, which now seems so flat and boring to you. Why did you get married? Do you think you made a mistake? But then remember the moment when you made a decision. Did you hesitate with him or think “damn, she’s so down-to-earth and stupid, what am I going to talk to her about?” We doubt you thought about it for long. Most likely, you were happy at first, otherwise why live with that person who cannot talk to you?
Now let’s say a few kind words about your “intellectual and promising discovery,” which you consider almost ideal. First, let's say that ideals do not exist. Secondly, let's add that you are trying too hard to see the good and not notice the bad. This suggests that you have succumbed to passion or simply do not have all the information. Believe me, when people come together and start living together, any career woman can turn into a woman with an obsession to give birth to five children. Living together is a test for relationships, which sheds the light of truth on human qualities. We are sure that if you leave your wife, get together with a new friend and start living with her, then you will unexpectedly discover qualities in the girl that you do not like. And then what? Looking for a new “soulmate” who will be even more interesting?
By the way, about all this spiritual and intellectual similarity. There is such an important point in a relationship as interest in the development of your partner. You can leave your wife to the mercy of fate, or you can become her spiritual and intellectual companion. This is how “common interests” arise, because otherwise there is a tiny chance that two people of the opposite sex will have at least something in common in their heads. Therefore, your task as a man who loves his wife is to interest her in what you yourself love. This is not an imposition, but only work to expand the horizons of a loved one. It’s a completely normal situation if you want to live with someone with whom you can talk about something pleasant.
In general, don’t think that we are discouraging you from taking a serious step towards your happiness. We all dream of living with that girl who will be “on the same wavelength” with us. You could very well make the mistake of marrying the first friend you came across who reciprocated your feelings. Think about how unhappy you really are in your marriage. Were you unhappy in your marriage before you became interested in your colleague? Think about the future. It is possible that you are given a second chance that you will never have again, although, given the number of people in the world, there should be more than one chance.
But this may also not be an opportunity, but a terrible mistake that will make you an asshole. Personally, it’s strange to us that you started looking at another woman so soon, because you got married just recently. We think that readers will share their experiences in the comments, and if not, then think about everything again and make the right decision. You can also re-read on a similar topic. We wish you good luck.
Greetings to all!!
So I decided to look here and tell you my story... and maybe I’ll find the answer here... or maybe I won’t find it... but I’d like to say!!!*****
In general, I came to a new job. Very cool young and friendly team. For about 3 months I worked and communicated, so to speak, in a “normal” mode - we work together, discuss something, talk about all sorts of topics during breaks, at the end of the working day we go out together and gradually go home.
There is one girl in this team - pretty, smart, very beautiful. Of course, I liked her right away, but we usually talked in a cheerful company of colleagues at lunch or discussed the work process, and then went home.
And then one day she and I were chatting cheerfully at the end of the working day and I invited her to the cinema... and the invitation was more friendly than an obvious invitation to a date. I just wanted to invite her, I invited her, she agreed.
We went to the cinema, had a fun chat, and I took her home. Nothing special happened (in terms of what should usually happen on dates) - we just spent time together as friends, nothing more. I honestly admit that I didn’t think about any intimate things or how to seduce her - I just had a very interesting, fun and pleasant time with her.And in the days following this movie, something seemed to switch inside me - I began to constantly think and dream about her. At work we sit next to each other and now during working hours it becomes so easy and pleasant for me when I just see her, at home and on the weekend I really want to just see her or exchange a few words on ICQ. Work has become my favorite pastime for an obvious reason - I’m just waiting for these stupid weekends or the break between working days called night to end. I go to bed thinking about her, I wake up thinking about her, in general the clinic is full.
And understand correctly - the desire to sleep with her is not in the first place, I really really want to just be next to her, ask about something, chat, see her smile in the end!
This has never happened to me before. There were girls quite different in character, appearance, outlook on the world and life. There was also sex with them, as different as they themselves. Someone left me, I broke off relations with someone, I parted with someone as friends. But NOT ONE gave me such a feeling even close!!! But with them there was some kind of relationship and bed... and in the current version, I didn’t even kiss HER!!
And everything seems to be simple - invite someone else somewhere or come and confess and everything will be resolved.
But no, my problem is that this strange feeling is so strong that I’m already afraid of losing someone who’s not even my girlfriend.
And most importantly, I began to think that maybe I should have taken advantage of that trip to the cinema and that maybe the moment had already passed?After going to the cinema, we also communicate at work and on the way home, only she has become noticeably restrained in her conversations with me.
Friends say don’t worry, they invite you to go somewhere for some air, they talk about the sea of cool girls around... and I understand all this, but I don’t want to go anywhere - I want to get to work faster...
******
In short, this is what is happening to me now. I haven’t figured out how to solve it yet... but I wanted to tell you about it...